Childhood Dream Strikes Back

August 22, 2010

Think dreams can’t come true?  Or that the only ones that do are mediocre ones that were achievable anyway?  Think again!  I can prove that if you believe hard enough, for long enough, even the most ridiculous fantasy can come true.  But to do so, I must take you into the past…

Continued…

Categories: Personal, confession.

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Daily Talk 62: Tired

August 2, 2010

Categories: Acting, Daily Talk, Personal, editing.

Brussels II: ManneKen-Pis(sed?)

July 16, 2010

Despite the late night, Brussels beckoned on the morning of our first full day. One of the deciding factors in choosing the Scandic Grand Place was its inclusive buffet breakfast, at which we could shamelessly stuff our bellies to save money on food later. So stuffed, we trotted out into Bruxelles, data-less on our phones thanks to crippling roaming charges, but armed with the cheap map gifted to us by the reception clerk. The generosity was soon understood when we noticed that instead of directing us to landmarks of historical and social interest, its key was devoted to the “RN Make-up For Ever” boutique and “La Parmigiana” restaurant.

It was certainly useless in locating the Mannekin-Pis, a statue of a cherub who urinates realistically, albeit ceaselessly, into a fountain to the delight of all who bear witness. When researching the trip, websites designed for tourists in Brussels would list very little apart from the chance to “giggle” at this display. Click on the ‘Nightlife’ tab and we were invited to giggle at it at night. It adorns the side of all the public buses, appears in numerous guises (a guitar photoshopped over his modest member to advertise a rock festival; an Uncle Sam costume and “Yes We Can” placard to honour Barak Obama) and seems very much the official mascot of the city. For us, it would serve as a token piece of touristy sight-seeing before we hit the bottle.

Continued…

Categories: Personal, Recommendation, complaint, confession.

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Brussels I: Half the Fun

July 15, 2010

In normal circumstances, I have no time for superstitions. Wives’ tales, folklore and religions can be fascinating, and perhaps offer skewed glimpses at deeper truths buried in our animal psychés, but in my opinion, you’ve got to be a certifiable nut to believe them at face value. Enjoy them, why not? Believe them, why?

All this changes when I board aircraft. On Christmas Eve 2006, Mo and I were catching a connecting flight between Washington D.C. and Florida when I made the mistake of placing my hand on the exterior of the plane as I stepped over its threshold. It was a childish, or, rather, childlike thing to do: I had the opportunity to touch something I normally wouldn’t, and though the sensation was obviously going to be exactly as you’d expect, I took the chance. Instantly, I knew in my gut that I’d doomed us all, passengers and crew, to a fiery, aerial grave.

Continued…

Categories: Personal, complaint, confession.

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Mugdock

June 5, 2010

Walked Monty in Mugdock Park today.  What a park — it’s massive!  We only discovered it recently and have been but a couple of times and the vast majority of its expanse is remains unexplored by us.

I suspect it will have to span several episodes of the upcoming video series, The Parks of Glasgow, where Mo, Monty and I (the Parks of Glasgow) review the various parks of Glasgow (geddit?).

Categories: Personal.

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Tweet Me Right

May 29, 2010

Last week I heard in the news that Twitter had bought Tweetie and turned it into their official client. “Tweetie…” thought I, “is that one I’ve tried?”

Like most people, I found the idea of Twitter, when explained to me, thoroughly uninspiring. I believe it was this post by the legendary Wil Wheaton that convinced me to set up an account and give it a whirl. At first, through a browser, my initial prejudices were confirmed — waste of everyone’s time. I was intrigued, however, by that little widget that advertises client software —little programs that organise your Twitter life outside if the browser.

The first one I tried was for the desktop, and its name escapes me now. It wasn’t great, but it was better than the browser, and it gave me my first taste of Update Anticipation.

It was when I got one for my phone that I really started to get hooked. I could whip it out my pocket and casually see what @GreatDismal or @doctorow were on about at any given moment. Plus I could tweet on a whim. Monty’s bowel movements became a matter of public record.

Echophon: perfectly fine

Continued…

Categories: Personal, Recommendation, complaint, confession.

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Aldermaston V: things can change

February 22, 2010

AWE Aldermaston has one of those double-fence jobbies you may remember from the Great Escape. You know, the kind short Scottish men who’ve spent too much time in the cooler with Steve McQueen get shot trying to climb. There’s a good four or five metres between them, and so the Boilerhouse Gate was actually two sets of imposing iron doors. Luckily for my nerves, Scary Machine Gun Guy was well behind the second set.

The police had continued to be the kind of enforcers that might appear in some naïve utopian fantasy. Still not quite able to believe their luck, the blockaders maintained their effortless decommissioning of the gate(s). At some point, though, the row of blockaders nearest the AWE realised that a potential opportunity lay right behind them: the gates, both sets, were still open. Now, beyond THEM was a host of cops and security, including Scary Machine Gun Guy, and beyong THEM was a large sign which read: “TERRORIST THREAT LEVEL: HEIGHTENED.” It was no welcome mat. Nevertheless, the chance to become a nuicance was right there, and between them they reached a near-instant consensus and dashed over the invisible line into MoD territory.

The police within the weapons factory reacted swiftly, lining up just beyond the second threshhold, effectively becoming a blockade all of their own. The five activists, though, were comfortably inside the perimeter, and were starting to enjoy themselves. Songs were hollered, dances were pranced, but the line of cops stood firm, allowing themselves none of the affability of the officers with us, still out on the public, civvy highway. Neither, though, did they antagonise or threaten. In the best tradition of NVDA, they simply blocked the way.

 

Eventually, and probably having been told that they’d be forcably ejected, the protesters just lay down where they were. In the scenario of success, the authorities would conceed defeat by simply closing the gates, whereupon the group would probably move to another, less secure gate (depending on what the cellularly-connected ‘gate support’ people were reporting). Here, though, they couldn’t shut the gate even if they wanted to, thanks to our brave tresspassers.

And so the first arrests were made. A special unit appeared and started cutting through the tubing that protected our comrades’ bonds. It took a while and made a fair amount of noise, but I could make out that the tension had dissapated, leaving room for smiles and banter. Cut free of each other, the arrestees were lifted into the base to be processed before being transported to Newbuy Police Station.

Having cleared the gateways of people, the police were free to close them officially, which they did. Of course, they often wait for the blockaders to relocate and just open them right back up, so we stayed put. The intel from the other gates was that they were all shut anyway, so there wasn’t much call for our human-wall services. With the gates closed, though, our blockaders technically weren’t doing much disrupting.

I got talking to a policeman. I told him how impressed I was with the police and how reasonable they were being. He told me that their briefing had included the instruction to engage with the protesters, listen to their arguments and stories and, generally, be human beings. (This was in contrast to previous actions, the protesters told me later, where the official policy had been to avoid engaging with the activists at all, other than to arrest them.)

I enjoyed chatting to the guy, feeling that there was goodwill though circumstances had put us on opposing teams that day. Just then there was some commotion on the road and my new pal darted away. One of the other supporters stepped up beside me, the one who’d correctly predicted that we’d have our expectations confounded. “Here we go,” he said. “It’s been cozy up ’til now, but things can change. Things can change very quickly.”

On the road in front of the gate there was a swarm. A few policemen held back to cover the gate itself, but most had spilled onto the road, and traffic in both directions was at a stand-still. I swung my camera onto the scene, holding my tripod over my head to get the highest angle I could. The group of linked blockaders nearest the road had apparently taken things up a level and moved onto the road itself, lying down and blocking it completely. The queues of traffic already stretched to the horizons.

 

The police were talking to the protesters urgently, but quietly, and their trademark leather notebooks saw a lot of action. For a while nothing really changed and it seemed like an impass. A van driver got out and stode threatenly towards the blockade, no doubt late on his errand, but was talked back into his van by a firm, controlled copper.  Eventually, I heard policeman promise the road-blockers that they would be arrested, and soon after they were back in front of the gate.  The traffic started moving again, cups of tea recommenced flowing, but nothing on the arrest front.

Things started to get interesting when the ‘cutting team’ (as I shall call them) returned and erected a large, sturdy and yet portable fence around those who’d been promised arrest.  It was the kind of thing I expect could spring out the back of a Martian rover, instantly configuring itself into a green house in preparation for the first primate visitors.  There was some fervent chatting at the cutting team’s van, though, and before the structure could be completed they dismantled it again, packed it away and left.  After a while, a policeman addressed the road-blockers, telling them that as they were no longer blocking the highway, they wouldn’t be arrested after all. However, if they blocked it again, the whole rigmarole would be replayed.

It turned out that the two forces involved in today’s policing were on a no-arrest policy along with their talk-and-listen-to-them policy.  It was a move of such astonishing good sense that it had some of the seasoned blockaders flummoxed.  “They’re playing us at our own game,” one noted, smiling.  Another pointed out, with disappointment, that it prevented those who wished to have their cases heard in court from doing so.  I’m new to all this, and I’d kept my ears pricked all through the trip for clues as to the minutiae of motivation, goals and expected outcomes of the exercise.  This was extremely telling.  Later, I chatted to a lovely lady called Barbara who I’d met at my NVDA training the week before.  She told about her previous arrests, and how she’d refused to comply with court directions or pay fines, but that she’d won the respect of more than one judge in her commitment to have her view (that she commited no crime, but was preventing the crime of WMD proliferation) preserved in official literature.

So in a way the friendliness of the police, while easing my nerves, was a frustration to the endeavour.  Which goes to show how effective non-violent action can be.  It’s just, like the fellow said, that the police have cottoned on.  Things, indeed, can change.

Categories: Personal, politics.

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Aldermaston IV: sly villains

February 16, 2010

As usual, I woke up in the middle if the night and didn’t quite get back to sleep as deeply as I had been. That happens in proper beds as well as dusty hardwood floors. So when I heard stirring at half-five, I was more than ready to jump up and greet the day.

After the previous night’s delicious chicken chilli thing with rice and mysterious lentil stuff (also delicious), the great food continued with porridge, bread, rolls, all kinds of spreads and sweet, life-giving apple juice. There was only one gents’ toilet as far as I knew, but there was no conflict for access or even queues. The only problem was that I foolishly left filling up my water bottle ’til too late, and there was far too much ‘number two’ in the atmosphere for me to consider it. (I know I can’t avoid inhaling other people’s airborne shit particles from time to time, but I refuse to bottle them and keep them with me all day, preserved in water I intend to drink.)

I was taking my little bag with me to the blockade, but those who had been more sensible with their sleeping provisions left their rucksacks in a designated room of the hall (which I can now safely reveal as St. Michael’s, near the shopping centre – thanks, Mike!). Someone’s job was to return after the blockaders had been delivered and move the bags to the hall in Reading we’d be staying in later. (I can also identify that as St. Johns & St. Stephens Church & School – thanks, Johnny & Steve!)

As rehearsed before last night’s dinner, the blockaders got locked to each other and boarded the buses. Time could not be wasted at our destination – Aldermaston’s Boilerhouse Gate – for there was every chance the police could intercept them and prevent the blockade from happening at all. The veteran activists all had stories of being thwarted by waiting police officers. On some occasions, they’d been prevented from driving right up to the site, in which case the consensus was to jump from the bus and run the rest of the way, dodging the law as best they could. The worst case was that the van would be turned away too far from the gate to attempt the sprint, meaning there might not even be a blockade. That would please my mum and my wife, I thought, who were fretting away in Glasgow about my possible arrest. (Translation: I’d be slightly relieved, too.) As one of the drivers pointed out, though, the reality when we get there could differ greatly from any of our imagined scenarios. As it turned out, he was right.

With the blockaders aboard, I found a seat on the leading bus and got my camera ready. We manoeuvred out of the church car park slowly, making sure the other two buses were following, and headed to the Atomic Weapons Establishment, Aldermaston.

“The most important thing is to stay calm,” said Jane, one of the experienced blockaders, and I drew a couple of deep breaths. I couldn’t see much in the pre-dawn darkness, but I kept the camera rolling just in case. Up next to the driver a guy was navigating with a map on his lap while constantly updating the other buses over the phone. “This is your ten minute warning… This is your five minute warning… This is your three minute warning…”

“We’d better get locked on now,” said Brian, one of the main organisers, and those who hadn’t yet did so. We were at the perimeter of AWE Aldermaston now. It’s a massive site, straddling two police force jurisdictions, and we were following it’s circumference anti-clockwise. “Can you see anything yet?” Brian asked.

“I think I see high viz coats,” said the driver. “Difficult to tell.”

The traffic was thick and slow-moving along the two-lane B-road. The AWE employs a lot of people, and the Boilerhouse gate was the port of entry for many of them. When there’s no blockade, that is.

“Two high viz jackets,” called the driver, “three… four. Directing traffic. Five. Definitely police. Six. Shit!”

The road was lined by trees, and it wasn’t until we’d trundled closer that a good view of the gate was afforded us. Countless police guarded it, all blurring into a single impenetrable mass of neon-yellow.

Then we were next to them, with two buses and a mile of regular traffic behind us. No time to think, just keep calm. The side door slid open and a supporter jumped out, clutching placards and signs, followed by me, camera still rolling, ready to capture whatever happened next.

Despite myself, I made eye-contact with the officer nearest me and instinctively gave him my friendliest smile. He smiled back. Not curtly, or politely, but broadly and with genuine good will. “Morning,” he said.

Not wanting to push it, I got onto the grassy verge beside the gate as swiftly as I could (the commonest charge for arrested blockaders is ‘blocking a public highway’). Training my camera back towards the bus, I managed to capture the blockaders (or ‘arrestables’) disembarking fluidly, despite being locked to each other by the wrist. To everyone’s surprise, the police made way for them and even offered helpful suggestions: “You could be a bit further over, love, give your pals a bit more room.”

Before we knew it we had three neat rows of people, arms locked at the wrist within reinforced tubes, successfully barricading Boilerhouse Gate, flanked by officers of the law who were either engaging in good-natured banter with us protesters or moving the traffic along, telling AWE empoyees, “Sorry, this gate’s blocked.”

If I couldn’t believe it, the veterans were flabbergasted. “Never seen anything like it,” they all told me. One young policeman was weaving through the protesters with a camcorder capturing everything with rather more solemnity than his more affable colleagues. When he turned his camera towards me and mine, I waved and pointed back and forth between them, whereupon he broke into a wide, friendly grin.

The traffic got moving again, the blockagers got as comfy as they could (not very) and the supporters started to erect the Bombs Away Café to keep everyone fed and watered. We had made it, we were fine and the police, it seemed, were our pals.

I was reminded of one of the many classic scenes in A Hard Day’s Night. Ringo and Wilfred Brambell (as Paul’s “very clean” grandfather) are sitting in a city police station. A hopeless trouble-maker, the grandfather regales Ringo with tales of police brutality and corruption, inviting him to consider the bobbies who have just escorted them to their bench. “They seem alright to me,” says Ringo, but McCartney Snr.’s having none of it, insisting, “All coppers are villains!”

Oblivious, the desk sergeant calls through to them, “Would you two like a cup of tea?”

Brambell leans in to Starr, sporting his best Steptoe sneer, and says conspiritorially: “See? Sly villains.”

 

Categories: Personal, politics.

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Aldermaston III: cub my enthusiasm

February 15, 2010

Sleeping in a church hall reminded me of a Scout camp I went on once. Actually, it was a Cub camp; I never made it as far as the Scouts, and here’s why:

Some other kid and I were shining our torches onto the ceiling of the hall after lights-out and having a good old laugh about it. The leaders’ threats became more dramatic the more we ignored them, culminating in a choice between going to sleep and having our parents roused from their slumber to come and get us right away. I can’t remember where they’d taken us for this ‘camp’ but it was at least a few hours’ drive from home. Like the others before it, this threat went unheeded, forcing our opponents’ hand. Though it was the middle of the night, we were told that our parents were on their way and we were to pack our things and prepare for their arrival.

I think my partner in crime’s will broke and he started blubbing and grovelling, which no doubt pleased our adversaries no end. I, however, was resolute: not because I was preturnaturally brave, but because the thought of my parents’ passionate fury was nothing compared to the shiteness of the camp. Sleeping bags on the floor of some strange church hall, bad food and, for fun, ritual humiliation in the traditional children’s game, Let’s Rank Our Worth By Athletic Prowess.

Pathetically and crushingly, the Cub leaders had lied. Our parents hadn’t been called and were still, as infuriating as the thought was, lying in REAL beds in REAL houses and no doubt sleeping soundly. I mean, really, where were they planning to go after dropping that whopper? “Your parents are coming. No… wait. No they’re not. We just told you that to make you cry and crush your spirit. We hadn’t realised your contempt for us outweighed your fear of your parents.” I’m still ashamed that I didn’t demand the use of the phone then and there.

I’ve slept on plenty of floors since then, and doing so when discovering drugs and girls led to my becoming fond of it by default – a pavlovian response. So I didn’t mind at all sleeping in the church hall, even opting for my usual bag-for-a-pillow, jacket-for-a-blanket over everyone else’s comfy sleeping bag and camping mat approach.

It’s only the fact that that we were all lined up on the floor of the hall that reminded me of that night. In the morning I would awake and go to battle. The foe this time, the utterly immoral and militarily useless WMDs that we’re continuing to develop though we can’t afford it. Like that childhood memory, I would be brave, but wouldn’t follow through; I’m not there to get arrested, and I’ll back down and do what I’m told. Unlike that Cub-scout skirmish, though, this time I REALLY don’t want them to phone my mum.

Categories: Personal, politics.

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Aldermaston II: on, to Basingstoke

February 14, 2010

We didn’t have long to wait in Killington Lake before the other two buses showed up. There was, however, something of a pause while coffees were drunk, lunch eaten and plans made. Not being much involved with the plans, and having had an easy ride what with not having to drive, I made myself suspitious/useful by filming beautiful panning shots of the car park.

I thought I’d seen every service stop on the M6, but Killington Lake was new to me. Helen on our bus (a knitting genius from whom I plan to commission a pair of psychadelic rainbow socks) went so far as to call it her favourite.

Almost as nice, but not quite, was the next service stop, just after the turn off to avoid the M6 toll. This was about two or three hours later, during which time I filled the Archers vacuum with podcasts. The other two buses made then for Basingstoke, but we detoured to a Travel Lodge to drop off some of our number who’d opted for more civilised digs (including psychadelic rainbow socks Helen).

At our more humble lodgings, we put the finishing touches on our plan, ate some excellent food and practiced disembarking from the buses while locked together. Well, of those three, I only did the eating, hiding behind my camera the rest of the time. I AM only ‘media support’ you know.

I’m starting to sense a frisson, though. I’m conciously avoiding specifics about where we are because the police (hopefully) don’t know we’re here. If they did, they’d probably have turned up and confiscated our locking devices. I’m not here to get arrested, but for some (fourteen of us, to be exact) that’s the whole point. They might not get arrested tomorrow, but bailing them out is certainly part of tomorrow’s itinerary.

I should be safe from arrest, as I won’t actually be doing anything illegal. (I just hope my tripod doesn’t look too much like an automatic weapon.)

Categories: Personal, politics.

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